its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
