oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
