Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
