hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
