It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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