Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize