Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
