I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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