your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize