By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
