I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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