Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
