I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
