During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize