at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
