I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
