Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
