had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
