hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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