That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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