did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
