i will never coherently bang her
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
