Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
