and she was petting her beer can
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
