When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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