thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I still have a little drunk in my system
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
