We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
