where am i from again
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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