So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
