Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Barsexuality is the new black.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
