During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize