Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
