very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
