Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize