I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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