I just pynch a tree in the face
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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