i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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