If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
