So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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