i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Alive.
So much puke
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
