This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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