Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

I want to walk on stilts...naked

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(407): View more from Florida

I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"

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(703): View more from Virginia

Do you remember last night at all? Be honest

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.

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(646): View more from New York

Please don't use social media to get back at me.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"

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(530): View more from California

Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?

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(757): View more from Virginia

I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"

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(210): View more from Texas

He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.

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