Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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