that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
