I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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