You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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