you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
