So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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