sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
