i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize