I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
