My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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