Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
