good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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