I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
