Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sext me about skeletons
I am available for nakedness
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
