i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
