I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
