actually, I'm a sock model
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
