where am i from again
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
