i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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