I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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