there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
