Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
