Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
