Please, let me fuck your mom
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
