Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
