You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize