can u get pink eye on your cock?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
did i just pee glitter
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
