i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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