dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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