God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
