he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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