how can u be prego again
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
