Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
