I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My vagina is officially offended.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
