It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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