i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i will never coherently bang her
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
