Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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