just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
