i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
