So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
