2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
