allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
