i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
