Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
