You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He better not be in your backpack
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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