omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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