Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
