how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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