So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
