I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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