You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
