I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
