you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
