How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm just crazy horny about you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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