Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
