it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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