I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I need water and some morals
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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