Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
