and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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