I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
