now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
