people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
