I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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