are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
