I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
