Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
