and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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