i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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