how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
