omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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