I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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